A few months into our relationship, B went on a guy’s surfing trip in Nicaragua. He brought me back a beautiful, hand painted coffee mug depicting a sunset (my favorite time of day). At the time, he was living in a bachelor pad and just starting to get his life together post divorce. The first time I ever visited his place,  he cooked me dinner and barely had enough plates and silverware for the both of us. I thought it was charming, and it didn’t hurt that the food was delicious. I still remember what he made (Chicken in a cream sauce), and how he invited me over “The recipe serves two, I’m just saying..” 🙂 and we happily sat on his futon with mismatched place settings, and got to know each other over that meal.

(I later learned he had quickly shoved all the kids toys and dirty laundry into the closets when I said I was heading that way.)

Anyway, back to the coffee mug. At the time, in his state of bachelor-dom, he wasn’t the tidiest, to say the least.  So, I took to helping around the house when I could… dishes, laundry, etc. My living situation wasn’t the best at the time so it was the least I could do since I stayed there often. In the midst of these chores, being the butterfingers that I am, some of the only glasses he owned, broke. (I also shrunk a wool sweater, but that’s a story for another time….) Anyway, it became a running joke in the relationship that I could be, let’s say,  forgetful at times. The mug from Nicaragua was the only gift he’d given me at that point in the relationship. It was hand painted by a local man and was not supposed to go in the dishwasher. B lovingly made a point to emphasize to me not to put in the dishwasher when he gave it to me. A week later, he did the dishes on his own.. (which at the time, he never did) and ran my brand new, hand painted,  solitary gift through the dishwasher.

You should have seen his face when he realized. Slowly pulling it out of the top rack his face fell. I knew immediately what happened.

Some couples would have fought over this. Some would have held it over the other’s head for weeks. Some would become bitter, nasty, and resentful. Over a damn coffee mug.

We just laughed and shook our heads. B turned to me said, “Aw guess that means we have to go back!”

There could not be a more accurate representation of our relationship. The seas may not always be smooth, but we learn to laugh about the little things, the bumps in the road. We pick our battles. Isn’t that what a good relationship is about? Choosing the other person everyday, despite their quirks and shortcomings, choosing to move towards one another when times get rough, not allowing the little things to turn into big things. 

I kept the mug despite its flaws. It’s got prime real estate on the second shelf of our cabinet. It reminds me everyday of that moment of silliness we had, and that despite our differences, we always choose each other. It makes me smile. 🙂

xo,

J